In a Handful of Dust Page 5
“A water source is pretty damn important,” Lucy said.
“It is,” Vera conceded, “but it’s not the only thing there is. Take this chance for what it is, Lucy. Get out of here. Don’t live Lynn’s way, or Stebbs’ way, or even my way. Live, and go find something new.”
Underneath the weight of fear in her stomach, Lucy felt a quiver of excitement, something that had long lain dormant. It reminded her of days in Entargo, her tiny fingers pulling back the curtains even as Neva protested, so that she could see the streets below, teeming with people she had yet to meet and the endless possibilities of what could happen that day.
“So you promise me you’ll keep your distance from Carter when you’re talking, and you keep that promise,” Vera said, bringing Lucy back into the present.
“I promise,” Lucy said, her voice stronger than she felt.
Vera disappeared into the trees and Lucy stood alone in the dark, her shoulders trembling. A stick snapped and she jerked at the sound, her pulse racing.
“Lucy?” Carter’s voice sounded thin and unsure. “You there?”
“Carter?” she called out, and heard the rustle of dead leaves underfoot as he came near. “Over here.”
He emerged out of the dark, so changed from the boy she knew that she had to resist the urge to run to him. His eyes were sunken and red-rimmed, his shoulders slumped, and his hands shook as he leaned against a tree for support.
“Your grandma said I can’t come closer than this maple,” he said.
“I’ve got a line in the dirt over here telling me what to do,” she answered, and he smiled a little.
“That’s just like you, to have a line.”
She laughed. “We really did it this time, didn’t we?”
“And here I always thought Devon was teasing when he said I’d be the end of him.”
Her face fell. “It’s not your fault, Carter. You didn’t know.”
Carter slid to the ground by the maple, his feet dangling over the bank. “What’s Lynn always say? It is what it is?”
“It is what it is,” Lucy agreed. “And it sucks.”
“That’s two different ways of saying the same thing,” Carter said, and a silence fell between the two of them while they both waited for the other to say the inevitable.
Lucy cleared her throat. “Lynn told me about your mom, that she . . . she . . .”
“Sold out on me?” Carter tossed a stick into the stream, and they heard the splash without seeing it. “Big surprise there.”
“I’m sorry about it.”
Carter shrugged. “Vera said you and Lynn are leaving.”
“Yeah, she thinks . . .” She paused, measuring her words. “Did she tell you it might be me?”
“She said so, but I don’t believe it.”
“Why not?”
Carter looked at her across the space dividing them, his gaze so intense she felt her pulse jump. “I can feel it in me, Lucy,” he said, his voice barely audible over the swaying tree branches. “Sick or not, I feel it. And I feel the weight of all those dead little kids on me.”
Lucy thought of Lynn, who had held her and sworn she had nothing to feel guilty about, her own conviction burning bright enough for the two of them. Carter had no one, and she was forbidden from comforting him. The silence between them had grown thick, and she didn’t know how to break it.
“So what are you going to do?” Carter asked. “Where are you going? South?”
Lucy shook her head. “Lynn said the only thing we’d get away from in the south is the winters, and we’d be giving up more than that by leaving the pond. I guess a long time ago my uncle Eli told her California is still, you know . . . normal.”
“Normal, huh?” Carter smiled and threw another stick into the creek. “What’s that mean?”
“Eli told her because they’d built a bunch of desalinization plants to make ocean water drinkable, so they weren’t hurt bad by the Shortage.”
“A drinkable ocean? That’s a lot of water.”
“And no winters, from what Stebbs and Grandma say.”
“Sounds like heaven.”
“It could be,” Lucy said. “But getting there’ll be hell. There’s a lot between me and it.”
“And I’ve never known you to back down,” Carter said. “The only thing bigger than the world is fear, Lucy. Don’t let it get the best of you.”
“What about you? What are you going to do?”
Carter stood up and stretched, his long arm muscles gleaming in the white moonlight. “Oh, I figured I’d find some old ugly hermit somewhere, spit in his mouth, and see if he gets sick.”
“That’s a great plan, buddy,” Lucy said.
“I had real plans once, you know?” Carter said. “I was starting to think maybe you and me, we could have a little place of our own, someday.”
“Yeah. I was starting to think that too,” Lucy said, tears catching in her throat.
They looked at each across the void they could not bridge, their silent, saltwater good-byes streaming down their faces.
“You should go,” Carter said abruptly, turning away from her. “Stay safe, stay with Lynn. Name a baby after me.”
“Shit,” Lucy choked. “I’ll name two.”
“Now that’s just stupid.”
Lucy laughed through her tears, and he turned around. “Go on now, Lucy. It’s not going to get any easier.”
She turned and ran through the woods, crashing through the underbrush and into the wet grass that whipped at her legs. The cold night air felt like it would burst her lungs but she kept running, sprinting past the still bodies of the sick.
The four of them stood in an awkward circle as the sun came up. Stebbs and Vera with their arms around each other, Lucy and Lynn weighed down by their packs.
“You’ve got everything, now? You double-checked your bullets?” Stebbs asked Lynn. She had her rifle strapped to her back, a handgun at her side.
“You gave me enough ammunition to kill every stranger between here and the West Coast,” Lynn said, hunching her shoulders against the weight of her pack.
“Good Lord, don’t shoot everyone you meet,” Vera said.
“Not right away, anyway,” Stebbs added.
Lynn looked over at Lucy. “You ready?”
“I am,” Lucy said. She almost wished Stebbs and Vera had not come. Good-bye had been hard enough once.
“Well,” Lynn said, and kicked at a clump of grass, “I guess that’s it then.” She looked up at Stebbs, and Lucy realized Lynn had not said good-bye to anyone.
“Maybe I’ll see you again someday, asshole,” Lynn said, and shook Stebbs’ hand. He pulled her into a hug and clapped her on the back, careful not to hit her rifle.
“Maybe, kiddo,” he said, his voice shaky. “Maybe.”
Lynn pulled away from him, swiping at her tears. “Don’t let anybody move into my house,” she said sternly, and reached for Lucy’s hand.
They walked to the edge of the grass together and stepped out onto the road.
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Part Two
THE ROAD
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Six
Lucy had a blister.
The back of her boot had rubbed a raw spot on her heel within the first two days of walking, a water-filled blister forming shortly after. Every step felt like a tiny needle was driving into her foot, but she gritted her teeth against the pain and waited for it to break. She’d have to say something to Lynn once the water filled her sock, but she’d keep her mouth shut until then.
Lynn had been quiet too; lips still, eyes always moving. It reminded Lucy of the way she’d been when they first met. The tense way she now held herself, the calculated steps, a
ll echoed the girl who had been constantly watching for anyone who would make her their prey.
When Lucy woke at sunup on the third day, Lynn was already awake. She sat hunched by her pack, the map Stebbs had given her overflowing across her legs, her long hair dragging across the farthest edges when the wind toyed with it.
“What’re you thinking?” Lucy asked, propping herself up on her elbows.
“I was just wondering when you were going to tell me your foot was in such a shape,” Lynn said, without looking up.
“Didn’t want to bother you,” Lucy answered, pulling her naked foot back under the blanket. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It will be if it gets infected. I don’t like the idea of cutting your foot off and then having to haul your ass to the West Coast.”
“I don’t think I’d like the cutting-my-foot-off part,” Lucy said. “But anytime you want to carry me is fine.”
Lynn smiled but still didn’t look up from the map. “We’ll rest a bit today. Let me look at your foot. No arguing,” she added, when Lucy opened her mouth to object.
Lucy rolled onto her back to watch the sky slowly fading from darkness to a light blue. “What’s the story with the map?”
“Trying to figure out the best way to do this,” Lynn said. “Other than head west and cross our fingers.”
“Can we really do much more?”
“We can look for water along the way and adjust our route to pass close by. Small places, like our pond back home, will be well protected. But there’s a big lake coming up here, Lake Wellesley, and there’s no way every inch of it is covered. We’ll get in, fill our bottles, and get out.”
Lucy plucked a blade of grass, pinching it between her fingers and blowing on it to make it sing.
“That’s not annoying or anything,” Lynn said, still bent over the map.
Lucy tossed a handful of grass, which caught in the breeze and landed in Lynn’s hair.
Lynn sighed and folded up the map. “All right, what is it?”
“This Lake Wellesley sounds familiar.”
“It’s not far from Entargo.”
Entargo. Lucy let the remaining grass in her palms slide away on the breeze at the name of the city where she had been born. Despite the few happy tendrils of remembrance that Vera had called to mind, Entargo was a faint memory, darkly steeped in her father’s blood. Her parents had been exiled from the city for an illegal second pregnancy.
“Are we going to see it?”
“Do you want to?”
Lucy thought hard before answering. True, there were horrible things tied to the city in her mind, but she wondered how much of the negativity was because of Neva’s influence. Her mother had been frightened for her life in the last months they’d lived there, right when Lucy’s toddler mind had grown sharp enough to notice. Even now, Entargo posed a threat. Stebbs had raised the idea of taking Lucy there, but Vera had quickly vetoed it. Anyone going into the city would have their blood checked first, and if a contagion was found, they were quickly eliminated in an effort to stop the spread. Despite her convictions that Lucy was clean, Vera wasn’t willing to take the chance that Lucy’s body would fall on the same stones as her father’s.
Lucy bit her lip as the few positive memories of the city swirled with the bad. “Is it out of the way?”
“A bit,” Lynn said. “But I’ve heard about that place my whole life and never once seen it.”
“I didn’t know you were interested,” Lucy said.
“You’re from there,” Lynn said curtly, but Lucy knew she wasn’t the only reason. The ghost of her uncle had kept other men at bay for a decade. She wasn’t surprised that the thought of seeing the city he’d come from mattered to Lynn.
“I think I’d like to see it again,” she said, doubt clouding her words.
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I know there were good things there, along with the bad. If we’re heading west as far as we can walk, I’d like to see it again while I can.”
Lynn pulled the map from where it lay in the long grass, unfolding it again to stare as if simply looking at their route would shorten it. “Yup. West as far as we can walk.”
“Why not east?” Lucy asked, trailing her finger over the much shorter distance to the coastline.
“A few reasons. One, we don’t know for sure of any places set up with these desal plants on the East Coast. Your uncle said before he died that people in Entargo had word that the West Coast had pockets of stability, real electricity even. No one’s ever heard a peep about the east. Two, Stebbs says even before the Shortage the east was packed full of people, the west more sparsely populated. Even though it’ll be easier to find water in the east, there’s also more people wanting it. Desperate people do stupid things.”
“Like walk across the country?”
Lynn ignored Lucy’s barb as she folded the map again, its creases already fraying into illegibility by her constant handling. “We’ll be coming up on Entargo by the end of tomorrow. Now, let’s see that foot.”
Lucy reluctantly brought her foot out from under the blanket and put it on Lynn’s knee for inspection. Lynn’s mouth went back to a flat line when she got a good look at the blister.
“Lord, child, I wish you’d worn a better pair of shoes.”
“This was the pair I always wore back home, for gardening. I thought they’d be the best bet. But by the look on your face, I shouldn’t ever take up gambling.”
“I think traveling agrees with your humor, if not your feet,” Lynn said, pushing Lucy’s foot off her lap. “First house I come up on that’s for sure empty, I’m going to look for a new pair of shoes for you. Boots, even better.”
“And in the meantime?” Lucy wiggled her toes.
“In the meantime, you stay put. And barefoot.”
“Stay put? You’re leaving me?” Lucy jumped to her feet, the tiny bubble of excitement that had begun to bloom in her belly suddenly popping at the thought of being left alone.
“Just for this morning,” Lynn said, glancing at the sun. “Maybe the afternoon,” she admitted. “As long as it takes to get you some better shoes. You’ll be fine. No one can see you up on this hill. There’s no fire, no smoke, nothing to make anyone come up here to look unless you draw attention to yourself.”
Lucy noticed that even though her words were meant to be reassuring, Lynn made sure Lucy’s rifle was loaded. She strapped her own across her back and hesitated before putting the handgun in her belt.
“You take it.” Lucy waved her hand. “You’ll be going into close quarters.”
Lynn nodded. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
“I’ve been exiled from my home. I have a blister before we’re out of the state. Yes, Lynn, I’m okay.”
“Seriously, now.” Lynn frowned. “If you don’t want me to go, if you don’t want to be alone—”
“I’m not scared of being alone,” Lucy said quickly.
Lynn turned and loped down the hill to the gravel road they’d been following the day before. Farmhouses dotted the hills and overgrown fields that surrounded them. With luck, Lynn would find serviceable shoes in one that was close and be back before midday. Lucy tried to reassure herself that it wouldn’t be long, and that the empty sky above her hadn’t grown larger the second Lynn disappeared.
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Seven
“Lucy . . . Lucy, wake up!”
Rough hands were shaking her, and Lucy kicked out instinctively, sending the man reeling back. She flipped onto her belly and was crawling for the rifle before she recognized the voice saying her name. “Carter?” she said in disbelief, pulling herself off the ground.
He nodded from the shade of the tree, his hand covering a bloody nose. “Good to see you again, I think,” he added, pulling his hand back from where she’d kicked him in the face.
“Don’t want to take any chances,” he said, backing away from her.
She stopped, but it wasn’t easy. Her heart told her to go to him, but caution kept her rooted in place. “You still think it’s in you?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been picking apart every little feeling I get now. Wondering if I’m tired from walking or just plain sick like Vera thinks. I can’t say for sure if it’s in me, but I’ve figured out what ain’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Whatever it takes to live. I don’t have it, Lucy.”
The denial she’d been about to voice died on her lips when she took a good look at him. Carter’s hands were filthy, his wrists starting to thin out already due to hunger. The delicate skin around his mouth was bruised, fading to yellow at the corners. And he had no weapon, no backpack, no food.
“Where’s your gun?” Lucy asked. “Where’s your stuff?”
“Somebody bigger than me took it.” Carter sighed, his tongue poking at the bruise by his lip. “Along with some of my teeth.”
“You were robbed?”
“Didn’t take long,” he said. “I started out same day you guys did, going the other direction. I hear footsteps behind me about noon, I turn to see who it is, and next thing I know my face is on the road. I woke up awhile after, my face damn near boiling from the heat of it against me for so long.”
Lucy cautiously knelt down beside him, and he turned his head to show her. Gravel pocked his cheek in spots, melted into the skin. She brushed at it without thinking, and he recoiled from her touch as much as from the pain.
“You shouldn’t be near me.”
She took his hand in her own even though she knew he was right. “If you believe that, why’d you come find me in the first place?”
“To say good-bye, again, I guess.” He shrugged. “Which is plain stupid. We said it good and solid already. I’m just not ready to let you go yet.”